This could change how you feel about your self-esteem problem
One of the times you feel low self-esteem and self-esteem is when you’re around someone who you think, based on your perception, has more going for them than you, whatever it is…money, success, a relationship. , more things, etc. I say “perception” because nobody has a perfect life or does everything perfectly all the time. But, people with self-esteem and self-esteem issues may imagine this to be a fact about others, when it is not. Another time is when you are around authority figures, which is also addressed.
What happens when you’re with those people? Are you your bright, authentic self, or do you sit quietly and try not to take up too much space? What is this about, anyway?
When you doubt your self-worth, you are afraid to be yourself, especially around people in authority or success, real or perceived.
Perhaps you’ve realized that when you’re with friends who know the real you, and still love you (smile), you can be who you are and do it with ease. Put yourself in the same room with a person you feel intimidated by, for whatever reason – a professional or personal acquaintance, or a family member – and what happens to you? The real YOU probably goes underground.
I think it was Ram Dass who said, “If you want to know how enlightened you are, spend a week with your parents.” If someone as respected as Ram Dass can recognize this truth (or any wise person who has said it), then we can relax, can’t we?
Tony Robbins had Beverly Kingsley join him on stage to talk about his weight problem. Progress was being made when Tony asked him why he now knew that he had true value and worth. Beverly’s response: “Because God doesn’t make trash.”
That is the most direct answer any of us could hear. We can make human creations perceive themselves as trash, but no creation starts out feeling that way, including, or especially, you…no matter what anyone has told you or tried to convince you about YOU being different from this truth.
It is unfortunate that people who were made to feel low self-esteem and self-esteem passed it on or inflicted it on you and others. But, even if they admit they did what they did, it won’t change the internal programs you’re running about it. You have to do that.
The next time you feel unworthy or intimidated around one or more people, consider using these tips:
• Remember that Source does not produce garbage.
• Take a deep breath, or several, and straighten your posture, whether you’re sitting or standing. It’s hard enough to feel like you’re less when you deliberately take up a little more space (i.e. avoid folding your body inward, as if you need to protect it or close it like a telescope). Let your arms rest naturally on the armrests of a chair, or find any posture that feels natural but uses more air space around you (and repeat the first tip for yourself).
• Remind yourself that anything that is not the truth of your uniqueness and unique contribution to life (whether you know what it is or not) is a lie. And, the most important person who needs to know this is you. This includes honoring your efforts in whatever aspect of your life you are improving right now.
• If you feel anxious around people who arouse such feelings, focus on being interested instead of interesting. 1) You will learn things; 2) it takes the pressure off you to do anything other than ask good questions; and 3) it will make others happy to talk about themselves. If you really don’t like the person and it’s your choice to be around them, think about why you choose to be in their company. Vote with your feet, whenever you can or need to.
• If someone is a real problem to be abusive in any way, even verbally, know that you don’t have to be around those people. Never put yourself in danger, but be aware that some people are actually stalkers without biting. You may find that if you engage them, they will back off. If they don’t, you’ll want to consider continuing the relationship or not.
These are quick fixes, though they can have lasting positive effects on you if you put them into practice. A more lasting “solution” requires that you reach the point where your opinion of yourself matters most. And, this is the most important point to keep in mind: if you choose NOT to think thoughts that “feed” low self-esteem and self-esteem, who and what would you be? Someone may have planted the seed, but we are the ones who decide to feed it or weed it.
Practice makes progress.
©Joyce Shaffer
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