Teens – How to connect (or reconnect) with the teens in your life – Part 1
Are you afraid of adolescence? Do you want to help your teen survive and thrive? So you need to know how to stay connected with your teen.
A hugely overlooked basic to connecting with your teens is learning how to collect them. This is a term taught by developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld. Have you ever wondered why we say “Hello! How are you?” as usual greeting? This is the classic connection in action. When we say that, we usually look the person in the eye, and often there is a barely perceptible nod. That seemingly simple set of actions is the communication equivalent of first gear. Once we have communication with each other in first gear, our chances of getting into second gear and communicating well increase dramatically.
The next time you see your teenager, focus first on connecting. Make sure you look him in the eye and ask how he is doing. I do this regularly with my children’s friends and other teenagers I know. I often get a pleasantly surprised look when I do it for the first time. In our busy culture we have forgotten the importance of this basic greeting ritual, and when we use it, the children around us feel the respect and recognition of them as a greeting person. When you take the moment to connect, the teens in your life will notice, even if they aren’t very responsive at first.
Make it a habit to connect with all the people in your life before moving on to any business you have with them, and you’ll find that your relationships go better overall. As adults, we are capable of starting in second gear, but most adults still prefer to start in first gear (warning, you will occasionally find adults who are so focused on the task that they get annoyed when asked how they are doing, especially over the phone at the worked). You’ll figure out when not to ask, and the occasional lapse is a small price to pay for most pleasantly surprised people!). When you have to ask someone, adult or child, to do something for you, make sure you have your comm in first gear before you expect them to shift into second gear and do what you want done.
Now that you know how to get your communication going, I’ll tell you how to take it further in Part 2.
