What are bridesmaids and groomsmen supposed to do at a Ukrainian wedding?
If you are going to be a bridesmaid or groomsman at a Ukrainian wedding, I think this story will help you. Nobody does a rehearsal of a wedding ceremony in Ukraine, so it is better to prepare in advance. Therefore, I want to explain a few things about the role of bridesmaids and groomsmen in Ukraine, especially in Western Ukraine, where I originally come from.
I was a bridesmaid at weddings in Ukraine so many times that my friends started joking that I am a professional bridesmaid. Then, after a series of “Oh God, send me a husband” prayers, I was blessed with my Big Day and my own bridesmaids.
Typically, a Ukrainian bride or groom will ask their closest relatives, such as a sister, brother, cousin, or even a close friend, to be the bridesmaids or groomsmen. The important thing is that the bridesmaids and groomsmen at a Ukrainian wedding must never have been married before. At the time of my wedding, all my relatives were already married but, thank God, I still had two girlfriends who had never married and agreed to be my bridesmaids.
Talking about the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen in a Ukrainian wedding, the most popular number is two of each. In some regions, a bride will choose four, six, or even eight bridesmaids. At a wedding I was a bridesmaid with four other people.
Bridesmaids get a special rank chosen by the Ukrainian bride and groomsmen also get a special rank chosen by the groom. The ranks will be first bridesmaid (as a maid of honor) and second bridesmaid; for groomsmen, the ranks should be 1st best man (as a best man) and 2nd best man.
The first bridesmaid and first groomsmen perform the most important customs and traditions in a Ukrainian wedding, such as unfolding the ceremonial towel in front of the bride and groom in church or in a marriage office in the case of a civil marriage. Another custom is the celebration of the crowns on the heads of the bride and groom in the church. Most of the traditions in a Ukrainian wedding require the participation of both the bridesmaids and the groomsmen. They also help the bride and groom with most of the wedding preparations. The bridesmaids will buy corsages for themselves, the groomsmen, and all the guests, but not for the bride and groom. Also the bridesmaids will spend the night with the bride before the wedding. They prepare the bride’s wedding dress and then have a girls party. The groom and groomsmen also have their boys’ party, on the same night, which is the groom’s last bachelor party.
Oh, I almost forgot one more important detail about being a Ukrainian bridesmaid or groomsman. What should be used? Are all bridesmaids required to wear identical dresses and groomsmen to wear the same suits? No, they can wear whatever they want, preferably a nice bridesmaid dress and a smart gentleman’s suit. If you are going to be the bridesmaid or best man at a traditional Ukrainian wedding, you are expected to wear an embroidered shirt that can be purchased at any local market in Ukraine. Also, bridesmaids in Ukraine don’t have bouquets like they do in North America or Western Europe, but here one corsage is enough.
Well, now it’s the Big Day! I have to explain that Ukrainians do not have a tradition of the father gifting the bride, rather they have many different customs and traditions before the marriage ceremony on the wedding day. First of all, the groom, together with the groomsmen and the groom’s guests, come to the bride’s house “to buy the bride” from the bride’s guests. This humorous custom takes place near the entrance of the house. When the “purchase” is made, the bride’s guests allow the groom’s guests into the bride’s house.
Next, the bride and bridesmaids bow three times to the groom and groomsmen, and the groom and groomsmen perform the same ritual. Then the bride gives a corsage to the groom and the bridesmaids give corsages to the groomsmen. Each best man is supposed to “pay” his bridesmaid for the corsage; although not in money, but with a small gift like a box of chocolates.
After the parents’ blessing at the bride’s house (another tradition!), the bride and groom are ready to go to the place of the marriage ceremony. If the church is close to the bride’s house, the bride and groom and all the guests walk to the place of the ceremony in a procession. The two groomsmen walk with the bride and the two bridesmaids walk with the groom. If the church is too far from the bride’s house, the bride and groom will be taken in separate cars as tradition does not allow them to be together on the way to the ceremony site. The main carriage of the wedding procession carries the bride and groomsmen and the second carriage carries the groom and bridesmaids.
At the entrance to the church, a priest greets the wedding procession and then escorts the bride and groom down the aisle. They are followed by the bridesmaids, the groomsmen and all the guests.
The ceremony now begins. The first bridesmaid and first groomsmen will now perform their main rituals. The first is the display of an embroidered ceremonial towel on the ground in front of the bride and groom. The bride and groom then step on the towel. It is a sign, it is said: “The one who steps on the towel first will be the head of the family.”
Another very important mission of the first bridesmaid and best man is to hold crowns on the heads of the bride and groom. It is a little difficult, because they have to hold the wreaths for a long time – for about 20 minutes, depending on the duration of the church service. They may change hands but they must not let the crowns fall! It would mean bad luck for the newlyweds.
In some churches, however, the bridesmaid and best man do not hold the crowns because the priest places the crowns directly on the bride and groom’s heads as was done at my own wedding. So the bride and groom must be very careful that the crowns do not fall off. My husband and I did great, our crowns stuck!
When the church ceremony is over, the newlyweds can finally walk to the reception together or they can ride in the same car, if the distance is too great to walk. Now it seems the job of bridesmaids and groomsmen is done, but not in a Ukrainian wedding. The bridesmaids and groomsmen have to participate in a few more customs at the reception, which is another exciting story.
