Vermilion Cliffs Sand Hills Loop, as bad as you want to be
The land on this “hike” is under the jurisdiction of Vermilion Cliffs National Monument. Do not look or collect here. I see that “Tom” was at the Eastern Sand Hills Crack on New Year’s Day 1932. He left his mark. So it was not a National Park. LEAVE NO TRACE. At first I left “hike” in parentheses. Michael Kelsey calls this area a hiking area. It’s an independent route-finding fight from start to finish here. He’s sick, brutal, twisted, nasty (and rewarding). I love him. You can do it? You’ll know in no time.
Okee Dokee, Michael Kelsey is the only one writing about this hike, so go ahead and buy his book so you know which mile marker on the highway. 89A at the Arizona Strip to detour onto. He now he throws the book in the trunk and reads this.
Kelsey is almost 70 years old and apparently still walks at a rate of seven miles per hour on vertical inclines. Congratulations Michael, I see that you are as dangerous as ever. I bought your new 5th. Edition of “Hiking and Exploration of the Paria River” and the photos are in color! But you’re still dangerous. While kids won’t need inner tubes in this one, they will need a respirator. So not only is this hike as bad as you want it to be, but MK is also as bad as you want it to be. Again, the great thing about this guy is that he goes where no one else goes (and can sometimes get you on the trail, but not on this hike).
Oh I mean I’m almost 60 and this is my second time doing the Eastern to Northern Cracks Loop. I am in excellent condition. It takes me twice as long to do things as Kelsey.
Most 30 year olds can’t keep up with me.
The walk: 6 hours, and we walked almost non-stop, ten minutes for lunch. Route # where you turn north off 89A is #1396. The parking lot at Jacob’s Pool is 2 miles north on this sand road. The Jeep came to within 1/8 mile of Jacob’s, where the last ravine collapsed. Get out of your car! Look north at Vermilion Cliffs. No, not to the northwest on a wide sand slide. There is a narrower sand slide to the north. That’s right, it’s not scalable. That’s the lingo for “you can’t scale”. Now just to the east of this sand slide is a sand HILL. It is scalable. You are aiming for the eastern end of this sand hill. You won’t be able to orient yourself again until you’re on it. We’re going to loop counterclockwise. You will see why. It’s brutality but easier. Michael is full of blah blah, but never mind Rachel Lee’s old brownstone. There are around 50 ancient ruins and they don’t have lockers. So, from Jacob’s walk, the old path to the east along the fence. You are right about it being washed out when you turn north. You are looking for the main spring as he says. cattail! That’s what you’re looking for! There is only one place with many cattails! Now he talks about an “emerging hiking trail.” What does that mean? Emerging from your chest as the “Alien”? I once had an album called “Emerge the Litter.” Does it have something to do with the group “The Litter”? No, he is not cairned as he says. About 6 people a year do this hike and they are all “hard core”. It is likely that none of the 6 will arise here exactly when you are here. We don’t need stinking badges. From the cattail head northeast. The hike is brutal here and it doesn’t get any easier. Go home if you can’t hack sand and ball bearings anymore. Start early in the morning and you will be able to see the northeast for the sun. Eventually, about an hour from where you parked (at Jacob’s), you’ll come to the sand hill. Remember you want the east end. There’s an intermittent trail here and there on the sand hill and maybe a cairn somewhere. At 1 1/4 hours the trail you should be on crosses a wash on a huge black rock to the right. Now in a few minutes the trace disappears. Look, this is a hard core independent expedition. The correct way may be to go up the washing “stairs”, but we opted to go up because we were going to have to go up.
If you want to follow me, take the clay-facing alluvial fan to the left. Do you want to go home now? The “Eastern Rift” is now obvious to the northeast and also points in that direction. Directly for me. You are on the right path if you see the lizard petroglyph climbing up the wall to your left. This was at 1 hour 50 minutes. Michael counts 6-7 panels of petroglyphs. There is more than that. The second panel (also 2 hours left) is 6 cute Bighorns. At 2 1/4 hours you will see what looks like dam (lots of dead juniper as well) as you continue up. You can do it. I am 60 years old. This dam-like thing is what Kelsey calls a “constructed cattle drive.” Go up the wall and turn left on the trail for about 5 feet where it ends. Now straight up again to the top (lots more cool pets). 2 1/2 hours to the top. Of course, Kelsey gets in and goes back to her car so fast. What BS for most mortals! Still, leave a large cairn on the edge as you exit (again that word) the rift, in case you get lost and have to go back down.
Whats Next? Stay west along the edge. What is known as walking the flat, easy edge in “Paria River Hiking and Exploration” is anything but. I’m no Jack Kennedy, but I’m pretty sure I can easily walk over the edge. This rim walk is through loose sand, over and under rock formations, through dark paths, blah blah. Anyway, get to an unused two track track (Bingo, MK is right at this landmark) in 1 to 1 1/2 hours from Eastern Crack. It took us 1 1/4 with our 10 minute lunch. In the two-way look over the edge to the west. That is where you will descend. Let me explain something to you. Walking would have been easier about 1/4 mile inland from the rim, but we wanted to keep facing our and Jacob’s Jeep because we have learned NOT TO TRUST MICHAEL KELSEY. If you haven’t reached both tracks in 1 1/2 hours, head back to your huge cairn and ride down Eastern Crack.
Follow the trail away from the edge (north) for 5-10 minutes. When you turn directly north away from the edge, you are turning directly south. It’s a bit disorienting when you reach the drop down. The standard three-legged trapezoidal petroglyph tells you that you are in the right place. I will now begrudgingly give credit to the AUTHOR. He correctly marks the Northern Crack rock art, which will keep you from thinking you’re lost. The drive to Northern Crack took us 1 1/2 hours! You’ll get for-off “cliff” 3 or 4 times, but you’ll manage. The Ancients did it, I did it and you will. Security every time is left. You’ll make it because you don’t want to go up Northern Crack again, I’m thinking. I never said “nasty” as often as when going down this slide, but you’ll still understand that counter-clockwise was the right choice for this hike. Loose, dangerous and demanding. Don’t lose focus here whether you’re tired or not. Focus on work.
We finally landed at the bottom. Each hiker had a gallon of water to start. He should have gone. Now the first break in the entire hike occurs after 5 1/2 hours. Walk south on the relaxing flat wash. Upon reaching a fence line, exit the wash to the left. Go through a hole in the fence and walk cross country to your vehicle. 1/2 hour after arriving at the wash at the bottom of Northern Crack, he is drinking ice cold water in his vehicle.
MK did this loop in less than 4 hours. Give me a break. I have been a fan of hiking for 20 years. The guy is crazy… and he writes hiking books. Maybe I’m in awe of the way he knocks me down. I’ll turn a corner. No, he’s crazy.
Oh, never attempt a hike that Kelsey says took her 7 hours. You have been warned. DON’T BLAME HIM, HE IS JUST “THE AUTHOR”.
