The breaking
Breakups, unfortunately for some of us, are an inevitable part of life, you’re lucky (some would say) if you’ve never experienced one. However, I now believe that to fully understand yourself you need to experience a breakup where you have truly loved and feel like the world will stop without that person in your life.
Let me explain, a year ago I separated from the love of my life, we had been together for seven years in total.
The year before the separation, she accidentally became pregnant; however, we were both very excited about the situation and began to prepare to bring a baby into this world. We decorated and baby proofed our house and made sure our finances and everything was ready to face a new life. Unfortunately, early in the pregnancy she suffered a miscarriage, apparently very common in women during her first pregnancy. As you can imagine, we were both devastated by the news of her and I did everything I could to be a rock to her and give her my full support.
Experiencing a miscarriage with a partner is a rare thing and still a very taboo topic to talk about, even though it’s apparently very common. Friends, family and colleagues don’t know what to say and often try to avoid the subject at all costs. Every now and then you meet the wise mother who pulls you aside and says “I had a couple of miscarriages before I had my firstborn so try not to worry” it was comforting to know that we weren’t alone and that there was hope. . Unfortunately, the miscarriage instead of bringing us closer to each other drove us apart, as she found it difficult to recover from the trauma.
A few months passed and we finally started to go back to how we were before and our relationship was picking up. Then, a week before my 29th birthday, I got a call from my sister: “Dad had a heart attack!”
We rushed to the hospital and to the intensive care unit where my father was being treated. I found my father very weak from the huge heart attack he had suffered, but still alive, there was still hope. The doctors warned how serious this situation was and that they would do everything possible to save him.
During one of the longest weeks of my life, my fiancé, my two sisters, my mother, and I gathered in the hospital waiting room, taking turns visiting and comforting my father, all the while waiting for news from the hospital. doctors
My birthday came around and no one was in the mood to celebrate as dad’s condition had deteriorated over the week. The doctors asked to speak to all of us and gave us the news that we feared, that there was no more they could do and that we would have to turn off my father’s life support machine that night. We all said goodbye to my father, I told him I loved him and thanked him for everything he had done for us. My father died that night, we were all devastated.
I was very close to my father and considered him a best friend; my fiancée, who lost her father when she was young, was also incredibly close to my father, so we were both shocked by her death. She became my support as she struggled to cope with the loss of her.
Christmas came around and it was weird without dad, a few months went by and he was still struggling. Coming home from work, I would get off the train and cry on the way home, I missed it immensely.
Then shortly after Valentine’s Day my fiancée said we needed to talk and broke the news that she didn’t love me or want to be with me anymore, she was devastated and didn’t know what to do. She was grieving for dad and for the loss of our son and now she would lose the only person left in my life who really loved and understood me; I wanted to end my life at that moment.
My mind was in overdrive, all the previous events were compacted into one and now I also had to think about moving, my finances and how my life had changed forever, I felt physically and emotionally crushed, I had nothing more to give and I wanted the pain. to stop. I cried for a few days (I’m not normally the crying type, I might add) until, I guess, my coping mechanism kicked in and I started talking to friends and family.
My friends and family helped me, but I didn’t think they really understood what I was going through, I was looking for answers. I tried counseling for a few sessions, but again didn’t feel like it helped me as much as I needed to.
Lost, I googled answers and typed ‘heartbreak and loss’, many sites came up with help and advice on how to recover from breakups and grief. I was touched by reading other people’s stories and knowing that I was not alone, at times like these you can feel very isolated. The world seems to keep turning when yours is unrecognizable. I buried myself on these sites for weeks and learned a lot about the grieving process and how we deal with big change and trauma, it really helped me.
Looking back, I think my fiancé was right to end our relationship as I believe the love was gone before she got pregnant and I was just settling for what I thought was a good relationship. Unfortunate circumstances acted as the catalyst to test the strength or relationship and it came crashing down, it wasn’t meant to be.
Going through all this experience has changed me and made me a stronger person. It has also forced me to accept change and in doing so has opened my mind to future change. Now I also know that I shouldn’t settle in a relationship for the sake of it, life is too short to settle.
A year later and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, I’m more outgoing than ever, I’ve lost about 3 stones in the gym and I’ve also taken the voluntary layoff from my city job, I’m going to become a snowboarding instructor in Canada, life couldn’t be more different than it was a year ago.
The events that happened to me are an integral part of life and it is how we deal with these events that makes us who we are. We will all experience traumatic and turbulent times in life, but life gets better no matter how dark the road gets.
