Little things to do to adjust to the death of your loved one
“It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.”
-Arthur Conan Doyle
Adjusting to the new conditions of life after the death of a loved one is clearly a long-term journey. The process involves believing in yourself to grow, change, and become resilient. Also, this transition involves becoming aware of the fact that little things mean a lot in accepting a different way of life without a loved one. Therefore, gaining new knowledge about loss and change is critical to coping well.
All of the above is not only time consuming, but often turns into a series of stressful events as we try to leave our more familiar lives behind. Here are five small actions you can take daily to help transition to accepting the unknown life that has to become your new normal.
1. Reduce your time watching television. Many of the news shows, as well as entertainment shows, feature negative programming. A common fact of TV news life is: “if it bleeds, it leads.” Broadcasting thrives on bad news. Spending some time observing the sadness of others, whether real or fictional, will only add to the normal sadness you already feel or trigger a “grief attack.” Find a replacement for the TV. Play relaxing music from one of the music channels or choose to only watch shows that won’t increase your stress index.
2. Intentionally do something different. For example, start your day on a positive note. Read a favorite poem, an inspirational line from a quote book, or a special prayer. Make it a habit over time. The new actions and resulting routines are integral parts of establishing a framework for adjusting to the absence of our loved ones. After a week, add another new routine in the afternoon. It can be a visit to a favorite place, going to a shopping center where you can walk, helping an elderly person or writing a few lines in a journal. Continue to work to create the new circumstances in your life the way you want them to unfold.
3. Evaluate what you speak, either with yourself or with friends or acquaintances. The words we speak silently or aloud have tremendous power to heal or prolong unnecessary suffering. Ask yourself if you are speaking from a victim’s point of view or from a determined and restorative point of view. Learn to tell your story honestly, sincerely, and with great care. We all need to tell our stories of how the death of our loved one has occurred and affected us. It is part of our journey through grievance.
4. Reprogram your unconscious mind to help you adapt to the tasks of grief. This is not a difficult job because the unconscious is non-judgmental and always open to suggestion. He simply carries out the tasks that you assign him. In fact, the way you are responding right now is part of the information stored in the unconscious over the years. Program your unconscious mind with whatever you want. Imagine how you want to adapt to the changes you face. See yourself making those changes. Then reinforce your unconscious with concepts such as: “I am strong, I am capable, I am determined, I am vitalized by love, I am worthy.”
5. Take a pen and a small notebook with you to make a periodic list of the good things that happen during a given day. We tend to overlook or forget the good things that happen when we focus on our great loss. However, they tell us that we are not alone. Our Higher Power, through our friends, relatives, co-workers, and certain so-called coincidences, is always there, even when we think we are alone. Each week find a time to sit quietly and read the notes about the good things that have happened. This will help you balance constant thoughts about the difficulty of making transitions in life. We need balance in a world that seems to lack an understanding of what we are going through.
Remember that it is critical that you take action; life rewards action. Adaptation requires it. You don’t have to take giant steps. The little ones will make a big difference. Just embrace patience, express your pain and you will win. Coping well becomes a continuous daily routine with occasional irregularities, the so-called bad days. They will come. Gently let them go, don’t let them alarm you, and keep in mind that they are a very normal part of the complaint process. Get back to your task of adjusting to life without the physical presence of your loved one.
