Jealous again – Jealousy between musicians
Jealousy, do you feel it? Do you feel it in others? Does it hinder your relationships with other musicians? Does it undermine your confidence? Does it block your creativity? Here are some questions to help you gain more clarity about jealousy in your life.
1. What is my jealousy trying to teach me? Usually, when I have a strong emotion towards a specific person, it is because that person represents something about me that I cannot yet tolerate or because that person represents something that I wish I could do or have. I remember being in a high school arts program and being incredibly envious of a fellow singer. What I was so painfully aware of (although I couldn’t have expressed it at the time) was that this person could fully express himself and her talents, and I could not. I sang better at home in my room than in front of other people, and THAT was what I couldn’t stand about the situation. By doing what I couldn’t do, he illuminated my greatest challenge. It made it practically impossible to have a good relationship with her.
2. How can I identify with this person as a fellow musician, instead of comparing our work? What opportunities exist for collaboration, mutual support and the exchange of ideas? Can I open myself to receiving gifts from this person: feedback, support, and love? What can I, in turn, give this person? Even the most famous and successful musician is a human being just like you. Find the connection. What can I give to a newer musician than me?
3. How can I build confidence in my unique message and express it authentically? I will never sound like this other musician, or like anyone else. Influences can be heard, comparisons will inevitably be made, but my words will never come out exactly like theirs, because my “story,” my life, my experiences, my collection of qualities, strengths, and challenges are completely unique to me. When I honor my uniqueness, my confidence grows and there is no point in comparing myself to others, there is no comparison. This quote from Martha Graham further explains what I mean.
There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, an acceleration, that translates through you into action, and because there is only one like you at all times, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other means and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is or how valuable it is, or how it compares to other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. – Martha Graham, quoted by Agnes DeMille, Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham
4. How can I divert my attention from this other person and return to what I can do to promote my own success and creative fulfillment? If I’m jealous when someone wins a composition contest, I can ask myself: how many composition contests have I entered? If I’m jealous of the size of their fan base, I can ask myself: how am I attracting new fans and how am I deepening my relationship with the ones I have now? If I’m jealous of the number of songs they’ve written, I can ask myself: what am I choosing to do with my time instead of writing songs?
5. Now that I’ve learned about it, how can I let go of my jealousy? Often in life we cling to emotions long after they have served their usefulness. They become comfortable, familiar, and more confident than doing the work to get to the other side of them. And yet they can also overwhelm us and block our creativity. Try the FEEL analogy. First, feel your feeling, don’t suppress it, allow yourself to feel it. Next, express the feeling: write about it, sing about it, talk about it with someone you trust, play it on an instrument, or express it in art. Next, explore the feeling: what is it trying to teach you, etc. as discussed above. And finally Let it Go. This can be as simple as saying a short prayer or affirmation (“I have let go of my jealousy,” or “I have valuable and unique gifts to offer”), or writing the sentiment on a piece of paper. paper and tearing it.
Jealousy has a lot to teach us. So when it shows up in your life, pay attention. If you notice jealousy in others, put yourself in their shoes and help them identify with you. Reveal your humanity. Let them know that they have something to offer you.
