How to deal with unhealthy jealousy: what couples need to know
A little jealousy adds a bit of spice to a relationship, but too much jealousy can be destructive in any romantic relationship. Jealousy occurs when a spouse feels threatened by a third party that he or she believes to be a rival and a threat to their relationship. Jealousy can be healthy or harmful and can be based on real threats or just imagined threats. Unhealthy jealousy that is usually unnecessary and unreasonable can ruin a marriage.
When does jealousy become unhealthy?
Jealousy is healthy when it pushes couples to be more loving, more sensitive and committed to each other because they value each other so much that they don’t want to lose each other. Unhealthy jealousy, on the other hand, makes the relationship problematic. Unhealthy jealousy or unnecessary accusations of infidelity push the jealous spouse to think and act irrationally. Extreme jealousy can push a spouse to have irrational thoughts and display unacceptable behaviors. These unacceptable behaviors may include stalking the accused spouse, going through and monitoring the accused spouse’s personal belongings such as phones, clothes, bags, diaries, social media accounts, etc. for evidence of sexual infidelity, severing the spouse’s relationship with friends, unexpected visits to the spouse’s workplace, confronting or questioning the spouse and the worst is committing violence to make the accused spouse confess.
How to deal with unhealthy jealousy? There are ways to deal with irrational jealousy. The following tips can be very helpful.
Recognize that your irrational jealousy is the problem and not your spouse. A jealous spouse usually recognizes that his jealousy is unreasonable and based on unfounded evidence, but he finds it difficult to control the suspicions or feelings of jealousy that make him feel miserable. The jealous spouse believes that if his suspicions can be proven, he will feel better. Unfortunately, this is not possible because irrational thoughts or suspicions cannot be refuted by rationality. In this case, you have to choose to trust your spouse more and recognize that your irrational jealousy is the problem.
Understand the underlying reasons behind your irrational jealousy. There is a reason behind why a jealous spouse constantly accuses and believes that their partner is committing sexual infidelity for no valid reason. One reason could be that a jealous spouse saw one of her parents engage in marital infidelity when he or she was young. Fear of abandonment is another reason if a jealous spouse has experienced abandonment or loneliness from loved ones. The feeling of inferiority or inadequacy can be the reason why you constantly compare yourself with others. For example, an older spouse with reduced sexual ability due to his age may feel insufficient to satisfy a younger wife sexually and may feel threatened or extremely jealous of the younger men around him. Alcohol or substance abuse can also affect reasoning and they tend to be more suspicious or jealous. Understanding the reason behind your irrational jealousy can help you address your unhealthy jealousy triggers and find the treatment that works for you.
Refusing to engage in irrational thoughts and making an effort to stop irrational behavior. Anytime you have those jealous thoughts and start accusing or questioning your spouse again, immediately stop and distract yourself. Tell yourself to stop this unnecessary jealousy over and over and remind yourself how this unhealthy jealousy is hurting your relationship. Write down the wonderful things your spouse did for you to remind you how much you love them. Talk to a friend. Stay busy doing the things you love. Do whatever it takes to avoid those irrational thoughts and avoid unacceptable behavior. You can’t always be successful because you can’t change the way you think and act overnight, but you have to keep trying until you finally manage to change your irrational thoughts and behavior. Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your irrational jealousy.
Get professional help. Irrational or unhealthy jealousy can be difficult to manage or control on your own, so don’t hesitate to seek professional help. There are counselors and therapists who can help you deal with this unhealthy jealousy. The longer you delay in seeking help, the longer it will haunt you and your relationship. If you want to save your marriage, act now and seek professional help before it’s too late.
For more guides on how to save a troubled marriage, visit How to Save a Troubled Relationship
