Guilt and Remorse – Part 2 – The Nature vs. Nurture Debate
I wrote in Part 1 about what one man, Jeff Lucas, called being a “shame addict,” and described the experience as feeling guilty about everything. Even the things we have little to no control over! But when attempts to define the difference between shame and guilt failed, and the experts themselves seemed to hold conflicting views, I began to wonder if society could benefit from its eradication from the human psyche.
So today, in an attempt to answer that question, I’m going to ask another. Where does all this guilt and shame come from? Are we born with it? Is it nature or nurture?
OVERCOMING SHAME
It has been fashionable for some years now, among certain celebrities and laymen, to promote a concept that suggests that guilt and shame are imposed on us – by parents, society’s mores and laws, and by religion – and that this is to our detriment. . To hell with guilt and shame, they say, embracing an unrestrained expression of his chosen lifestyle. And who can blame them? Perhaps the hell and damnation, fire and brimstone of some religions and denominations have fueled this belief?
So would life be a better experience for all of us if we abolished the twin evils of a guilty conscience and a sense of shame?
That, in fact, is what Western societies have been striving to do for the last decade or two. Mitigation, in which substantive circumstances have been used to make a case for understanding for the perpetrators of the crime, has at times produced the absurd notion that they are the victims. Unsurprisingly, the actual victims have felt somewhat aggravated.
Also, like the excellent UK Channel 4 show Dispatches Britain’s defiant children he showed, raising children without a moral compass is detrimental not only to others, but to the child himself. It brought tears to my eyes to see young children in elementary school having to be restrained, for their own good, because their upbringing has offered them nothing in the way of reason or reason.
Otherwise! It was clear that persuasion had no effect on them when it came to offering incentives to return to the classroom. These kids, for the most part, have only learned the realities of a belt around their ear, a growl, or a torrent of abuse. What do they know about cooperation? of community? Communication? Surprisingly though, even though they completely lacked the skills or self-discipline to improve their bad behavior, some of them did show a moral awareness of its effects. They knew what it was to feel ashamed.
So is it nature or nurture? I am inclined to believe that although babies are born without shame when it comes to their nudity, bodily functions, or demands, a certain morality is ingrained in the human psyche. The Bible certainly teaches that this is so. God’s laws, we are told, are written on our hearts. Whether or not you believe the argument from nature, there is evidence to suggest that we are experiencing a change of heart on matters of promoting discipline. As the Dispatches show showed, morality, and the shame and guilt that comes with it, greases the wheels of society—in schools, at home, and in the community. In addition, it brings peace, comfort, fulfillment and education to the child who is taught.
Where does that leave people like me, and Jeff Lucas, when it comes to being “shaming junkies”? He aptly defines an addict as “someone who constantly thinks in a particular way, every day, every hour. Their mind is consumed with that substance or activity. Their behavior is driven.” I previously asked if guilt and remorse could be perceived as “good” or “bad” and have concluded, above, that in context it is good. But at this level of addictive thinking, clearly, it’s bad.
And I’m happy to say that apart from the occasional time when I’m tired, like after Christmas, it’s not a part of my life anymore. Because Christian teaching should never focus on the negative aspects of humanity, but on the divine aspects of a God who loves, who is merciful and, above all, who forgives. If you want to know more, you could do worse than visit Jeff Lucas online. His website is: http://www.jeffucas.org/archive/200811
