Get more intimacy and attention from your partner
Have you and your partner drifted apart?
As the years go by, you may feel that your spouse or partner no longer feels that you are attractive or important. In fact, you may feel like just about everything and everyone else is much more attractive than you are in your spouse’s or partner’s world. These other things can include work, hobbies, friends, and co-workers, to name a few. If you feel a lack of connection with your spouse or partner, there are things you can do to get their attention and make yourself more available.
What I can do?
Be Present – Be present in your relationship, always. Maybe you two fell in love and everything felt perfect, leading you to believe that you would stay together forever in perfect harmony. Keep in mind that not everyone experiences an instant connection, and not everyone is lucky enough to maintain an intense closeness as time goes by. It takes effort and concentration to stay connected.
Make eye contact: You’ve probably heard that the eyes are the windows to the soul. It is imperative to make and maintain eye contact with your partner. When you look into your spouse’s eyes from across the room, you are actually being intimate. Eye contact is an important part of socializing and is an integral part in creating any intimate relationship. Eye contact not only shows that you are interested and attentive to the conversation; it also shows trust and understanding, as well as openness and emotional connection.
Be physical: Touching the person you love doesn’t just feel good; it also increases the “love hormone” called oxytocin. This hormone is important to any romantic relationship and is the reaction to being touched, not just by having sex, but by holding hands, hugging or touching feet. Be flirtatious and touch her arm or knee when having a conversation.
Take an interest: Pay attention to your spouse by listening to what is being said and paying attention to body language. To do this, you 100 percent need to tune out everything else and listen to what your spouse is saying. Commit to actively listening when your spouse is speaking. When your spouse speaks, make eye contact and remain silent as you take in everything that is being said. When you speak, be sure to be understanding and courteous, which will show that you are understanding the dialogue, as well as interested in the topic of conversation.
Be emotionally present: Share the intimate details of what goes on in your daily life. Tell them why you were excited or disappointed by that situation at work or with a friend; Let them know the little details of your day. This will help build a more intimate connection. Being emotionally present shows your spouse or partner that they are valued, appreciated, and special. Many times, these feelings will be returned to you. Being vulnerable goes along with trusting that your spouse or partner really accepts the real you.
Love unconditionally: always accept your spouse or partner for who they are, just the way they are. Never try to change something about them; even something as small as the way they do their hair or the fact that they always wear t-shirts when you’d rather they dress up a bit more. Being able to accept the small things is a good indicator that you will be able to accept the bigger things, like learning about your partner’s dreams, goals, and feelings without being judgmental or dismissive.
Laugh a lot – Laugh together; have a good time together. Remember the funny moments of your life; Watch TV shows or movies that make you laugh. Laughter is contagious. When you hear someone laugh, it’s natural that you want to laugh too. People who laugh a lot have less stress in their lives.
Schedule time together: Schedule time together every day, for at least 10-15 minutes. This can be before dinner, over coffee after dinner, first thing in the morning, or at night, just before bed. Focus on each other without interruption. Also, schedule time together, without the kids. Have a date night at least once a month and a weekend date (overnight) at least twice a year.
If you’ve made an effort to be more available to your spouse or partner and things still aren’t looking up, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk. However, it is important that you know what you want before you start to rant and rave about the problems in your marriage or relationship. It is important that you know the difference between your wants and your needs.
