Do the right thing for the wrong reason
When you do things for the right reasons, you get great results. However, if you do the same things for the wrong reasons, you can never be happy with the result. In other words, the Why is much more important than the What and How.
Let’s examine some good deeds that are bound to leave you dissatisfied, if done for the wrong reasons:
- Help someone in need. They asked for help? What did you expect in return (without communicating it)? And how did you feel when your schedule was not met? Why did you want to help? So you can feel good about yourself and have a clear conscience? Or was your attention solely and selflessly on the other person, simply being there for them without any attachment to a particular outcome?
- Wishing someone to be happy. How do you know they aren’t in the first place? Second, do you want their happiness for their sake or for your own? What is the problem if they were not happy? What does it mean to you? What are you failing as a parent, as a child, as a partner or as a friend? Is it really about them or maybe you are desperate to relieve your own suffering?
- Doing a spiritual course. Did you just do it for the experience? Or is he trying to fix himself, or maybe gain more coping mechanisms so he can better control the world around him?
- Go out of your way to please people. Do you do it just because? Or are you trying to manipulate them into giving you their attention, love and approval?
So now ask yourself:
- Could it be that your motivation lies in fear, control and the desire to manipulate (to get something in return or to fill an apparent void)? Or are you acting for the sake of the experience, just because it feels good and right?
- Are you attached to a particular result? Or do you just stay committed to the process no matter what the outcome is?
- Are you giving or are you negotiating? Do you get angry when people don’t respond the same way? Or are you giving unconditionally without expecting anything in return?
- Are you acting with integrity or are you being selfish? Are you trying to look like a saint but feel like the devil?
The test of whether you are doing something for the right reasons is simple. Check and see how you feel. Are you happy or are you grumpy and resentful? If you stay happy no matter what, then your motivation is rooted in unconditional love and acceptance. If you are grumpy, then your motivation is selfish, manipulative, and greedy. Examine yourself carefully with the awareness that you may be doing the same thing for a different reason and achieving a completely different result. Be clear on the WHY knowing that when the WHY is big enough, the HOW takes care of itself.
