Dealing with Change – 6 Steps
This first decade of the new millennium is certainly a challenging time! Perhaps the biggest challenge is: rapid change.
Over the years, through research, working with others, and our own life experiences, we’ve learned a few techniques that can help you move from reacting to change to proactively meeting your challenge:
#1: Recognize that change implies loss.
Even a positive change, by the way. For example, the loss of a job (whether due to dismissal gold career advancement) means losing co-workers, familiar routines and settings, and a reassuring feeling of competence.
Get in touch with that loss. Experiment with it and put it in context with the potential gains of the change.
#2: Accept or reject the change.
If the potential gains do not outweigh the losses, you can choose to decline the change. For example, all things considered, a particular promotion may not be appropriate for you at this time in your life.
If the change is initiated by external factors, for example, the layoff or death of a loved one, the option to reject the change may not be apparent. And that option may, in fact, not be the preferred option, but it should be considered. This can lead to the discovery of creative alternatives that would not otherwise be contemplated. For example, if you and many of your co-workers have just been laid off, a healthy and productive way to push back against change (i.e. rechannel resentment and financial worries) might be for several of you to start your own company.
Often, however, the preferred option is acceptance. It doesn’t happen from one day to the next. [See Step 3.] You may have heard of the Serenity Prayer (which can be seen as a religious prayer or a secular self-dedication):
… grant me the Serenity accept the things i can’t change
Courage to change the things that I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
#3: Approach changes as a process.
Don’t expect instant comfort with the change. It’s like a new pair of sneakers. That old pair is well worn and comfortable. But it looks tattered and is beginning to fall apart. A new pair just doesn’t feel right, yet. But we know it will, after a few days. So we endure the temporary discomfort.
Some changes may be welcome, for example, a new job, house, or child. Some cannot, for example, continue without a loved one. Either way, the change can be disorienting and uncomfortable or even painful at first. But this too must pass.
And usually there are stages that we move through. The next Sarah The model, which describes the classic stages of tort, applies to all types of change:
Shock — numbness, confusion, disorientation|
INanger … or (inward directed) — depression, sadness, fear
|
R.expulsion…including denial of emotional impact
|
INacceptance… or (negatively) — resignation, i.e. “acceptance” without hope
|
hope — positive focus on the future
Although the manifestations, timing and sequence vary from person to person and circumstance to circumstance, we must accept and move through whatever stage we find ourselves in to reach full acceptance and hope. Otherwise, we can get stuck in one or more stages, for example, bitter resignation or vacillating between anger and rejection.
#4: Develop a positive outlook.
Negativity is a killer (sometimes literally)! Stress, triggered by negative thoughts and actions, can lead to a reduced immune system and an increased possibility of illness.
In this context of facing the challenge of change, negative thoughts are paralyzing: they tell us (incorrectly) that we cannot do what we must do.
Turn those killer thoughts into more positive (and more realistic) self-talk. Practice the following process [presented in our article on Self-Talk]:
- Recognize: realizing that you are thinking negatively
- ARREST: Visualize a STOP sign and tell yourself Stop!
- remains: rephrase into a positive statement
- prize: even if it’s just giving you a pat on the back
For example:
- Oh, this is not possible. I will never be able to do this!
- For! That is not true.
- This is hard; and I’m still not sure how or when I’ll succeed, but I will!
- Hey! I just changed a negative into a positive. Well done!
Initially, you’ll probably miss more negative thoughts than you pick up, but you’ll get better and better; and the process will start to be automatic.
Have you heard that joke about the tourist in New York City trying to find Carnegie Hall? He approaches a street musician and asks: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? The answer: Practice practice practice!
#5: Make a plan.
Translate your positive attitude into a positive action plan. As with any good plan, include short-term goals and timelines. What will you do and when will you do it? Please review the plan regularly and amend as appropriate. [See Step 6 below.] Start and take one step at a time.
Perhaps most important, develop a support system. Surround yourself with positive people who care about you. And let them in. Share the challenge you face, your setbacks and your triumphs.
One of the best known support systems is Alcoholics Anonymous, a wonderful model for coping with change. [We’ve already quoted from the Serenity Prayer used by that group.] Find a sponsor, your own personal cheerleader and trainer, someone to turn to when the going gets tough and share the successes along the way.
Better still, a team of sponsors, working in coordination or separately. [A few years ago, we saw a TV news story about an entire town banding together to solve their joint unemployment problems in a very creative way.]
Perhaps that team is a religious or secular organization or consists of a combination of: a family member, a friend, a co-worker, a spiritual mentor, a mental health physician, a professional life skills coach, and/or or training seminars.
#6: Allow yourself to be flexible.
Accept that life is a series of detours. The best laid plans…
Many times, when we least expect it, life throws us a curve. It is not so much the nature of the curve as our capacity and ability to handle the deviation that affects the result.
Expect such diversions. For example, you may want to develop strategies to deal with the worst case scenario.
Don’t let the detours discourage you. Just review your plan and modify accordingly. Remember, you can handle this!
