Are you expressing your feelings or filling them?
In general, women live longer than men. One reason is that they share their feelings more often. Men tend to suppress their feelings. This is a good practice to continue if you want an early grave.
The concept I want to discuss this week is the idea of self-disclosure. Women have more friends because of that. Women have better relationships with their male friends because of it. What is self-disclosure? It is the willingness and ability to share your honest feelings, pain, pain, fears, frustrations, and anything else that, if crowded, will contribute to more stress and less satisfying relationships with others.
Men were raised to be tough, competitive, to win, and not to show emotional weakness. I have never considered it a weakness to share your true feelings, although there have been many times in my life when I have resisted out of fear of rejection, shame, and being perceived as weak by others. I’m learning that managed self-disclosure builds bridges in relationships and more satisfying results than sharing too little or too much. Sharing too much of oneself invites compassion, contempt, ridicule, and a variety of other adverse reactions from others. Sharing very little of yourself keeps others in your life at a safe but unhealthy distance.
We are all in this life together doing the best we can with what we have at any given time. Why not let more people enter your inner circle of shared feelings? You may be surprised at their support, love, and acceptance.
Balanced self-disclosure builds bridges with others. Too much or too little creates barriers. This is as true in business as it is in your personal relationships.
There is no sin in crying in public, sharing your innermost fears with those you trust and respect, and hugging those who cross your path. On my recent trip to Buenos Aires I couldn’t help but notice how everyone kisses everyone when they meet or before leaving. It is a shame that in many parts of the world hugs and kisses are considered unnecessary or taboo. It only took me a few hours to get in the mood for all these kisses, especially the women. Give it a try, it’s a lot of fun.
