A feline soap opera?
Live with an animal communicator Does that mean everyone gets along?
There is no doubt that integrating cats can be very, very challenging. In my last post about integrating Melissa, I thought I had finally turned a corner. Well, maybe that was just another corner in a complex maze.
In the wild, domestic cats naturally live in multigenerational female family groups, much like lions do. But when they are confined indoors and when the cats are not related to each other, the conflict can be difficult to overcome.
In our human families, we bring together cats that have no biological relationship to each other. That can create big challenges, as it is not natural for them to live this way.
When Starlight arrived almost 5 years ago (that long ago? Really?) and quickly integrated in about 2 months, I could hardly believe it was so easy.
Of course, there was a lot of preparation, even before she was born. Also, Starlight has a very sweet disposition. She doesn’t like to challenge anyone for anything. So naturally the existing hierarchy was never questioned and all was well.
Then Melissa came.
Melissa, by personality and possibly genetics, is a very dominant cat.
He wanted to take over the kennel where he was born.
Then, at 6 months old, I expected to dominate all 3 cats in my family.
Despite all my efforts to dissuade her, Melissa knew exactly what she wanted and wasn’t about to back down.
She refused to listen to anything I had to say (a perpetual teenager?) and still yells at me when I start to tell her something she doesn’t want to hear.
Sometimes I have the image of a child throwing tantrums, screaming and putting his paws (fingers) to his ears.
From her first day here, Melissa never showed the slightest submission to the head cat, Sakhara, and never intended for anything other than ruling the house.
I have explained that there are several ways to express dominance, and that violence is not always the best way. But of course, with “paws in her ears” Melissa has not listened to me and completely rejects my requests.
Melissa is now over 2 years old.
Melissa is now the dominant cat.
Her relationships with Violet and Starlight are generally well balanced and respectful most of the time.
However, with Sakhara, the conflict continues unabated.
Sakhara refuses to officially resign from her position.
Melissa continues to hit Sakhara at least once a day and makes an effort to do so. Even if Sakhara is sitting on my lap and minding her own business, Melissa will attack. I can see in Melissa’s eyes and body language as she is preparing to attack.
Nothing I’ve done to try to stop this has made any difference except timing. If I hiss at Melissa or admonish her, she backs off and then just waits until I’m not looking.
Due to Sakhara’s age and general health (about 21 years old), I still have interference. To me, Sakhara deserves some deference, as she has always been kind, caring, and considerate of others.
Sakhara has chosen to sleep alone in a room with the door closed. This way, she doesn’t have to walk past Melissa to get to a litter box after she’s gone to bed. I’m fine with this, but when I open her door in the morning, Melissa walks past me at lightning speed.
In my efforts to work things out between these two, I discovered a past life where Melissa and Sakhara had a terrible conflict that resulted in horrific torture and death for Melissa. Melissa doesn’t forgive and Sakhara doesn’t even forgive herself.
So the karma continues.
While I have not completely given up my efforts to help each of these beautiful beings find inner peace, there is a powerful lesson for me in all of this. While meditating one day, I was told to use this affirmation:
“I accept God’s Perfection in everything.
I stopped having to fix everything.”
Truly a powerful lesson. It’s not up to me to figure this out. It’s up to them.
