Top 10 Friendship Killers: Avoid Them Like The Plague
Do you have “friends” that are killing you? I mean, do you have the kind of friends that you walk away from feeling like you have to downplay your accomplishments or talents?
Do you have friends who are too possessive? Backstab? Or are you one of those types of friends? In this article, I reveal the top 10 behaviors that are killing your friendships and what you can do to be a better friend and have healthier friendships.
Friendship Killer #1 – Jealousy
I don’t know how it works with guys, but women are notoriously bitchy. Trust me. I grew up with a very jealous and competitive mother who couldn’t stand me shining. In fact, she’s going to be 75 in June, and she still hates that I’m a confident woman because she feels so threatened.
I also grew up with 4 malicious sisters whose only goal in life was to destroy me (and others). So I know a thing or two about jealousy.
How to detect jealousy in a friend
You know your friend is jealous when she behaves passive aggressively by constantly making (humiliating) comments about your boyfriend, your clothes, your lifestyle, etc. and you find yourself having to downplay your accomplishments and talents just so she doesn’t get mad or start being competitive.
Jealousy destroys relationships because you can never be happy for the other person. And the very essence of friendship is mutual support.
Advice: If you’re the jealous type, ask yourself why you feel less. Develop your self-esteem by doing valuable things for yourself and for others.
If your friend is the jealous one, have a serious talk with her. Tell her that you want to support her, but that you can’t and won’t be in a friendship riddled with jealousy.
By the way, I don’t talk to my mother anymore, and I will only deal with one of my sisters. Yes. It was that bad.
Killer Friendship #2 – Selfishness (Narcissism)
With selfish friends, it’s always about them. Everything has to be on their terms. If you don’t agree with their program, they will try to make you feel guilty, put you down, etc.
Advice: You may just be dealing with someone who doesn’t know they are selfish. If that’s the case, you should gently tell your friend how his behavior affects you.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, you may want to end the friendship, as it will always be one-sided.
Friendship Killer #3 – The Manipulator
The manipulative friend can never be direct. They know your weaknesses, so they hint when they want you to do something, knowing that you will fall for their manipulation: hook, line and sinker.
Advice: Politely tell your friend that you would appreciate her being more direct with you.
Friendship Killer #4 – Possessiveness
I had a friend who always put down any other friend she wanted to date because she couldn’t stand me being with anyone else. When she wanted to include others in the activities, she vehemently objected.
Advice: Suffocating someone, telling them they can’t have other friends, is a sign of fear of abandonment. If you are the one behaving possessively, ask yourself why you are so terrified of losing your friend. If it’s your friend who is possessive, ask her the same thing, gently of course.
So seek therapy.
friendship killer #5 – The critic
With criticism, you can never win. sometimes you can almost win, but inevitably the critic will find something wrong with you or what you did, what you’re wearing, etc.
Being around someone who is overly critical is devastating to your psyche and self-esteem.
Advice: Let go of the friendship. People who are overly critical will always raise the bar out of your reach. It is a no-win situation. Cut your losses.
friendship killer #6 – The Explosive
The exploder always keeps you off balance. It’s their way of controlling you. Being friends with an exploder is like walking through a minefield. You never know what is going to trigger them. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is unhealthy and inhibits growth for both partners.
Advice: Tell your friend to seek anger management, or you’ll walk away.
friendship killer #7 – Greed
Everyone has a pang of jealousy sometimes. But when it’s a constant in your friendship, that’s bad. Greed goes hand in hand with jealousy. But it is a closer cousin to envy.
Your envious friend always wants what you have. The mentality is “there’s not enough to go around, so I want what’s yours.”
Advice: Tell your friend that you feel their envy and that it’s awkward. Tell him that if he acts on his covetousness, you will associate less with her.
friendship killer #8 – Disloyalty
God, I hate disloyal people. Disloyal friends are traitors. Gossip. They are the ones you share a confidence with and then find out about on the 6:00 news. They are the ones who laugh at you when you fall, instead of helping you get up.
Here’s the deal. I don’t think people should be loyal to the extreme. But you must be loyal until your friend no longer deserves your loyalty.
Advice: If you cheat on me once, it’s your fault. If you cheat on me twice, it’s my fault.
friendship killer #9 – Liars
Liars annoy me a lot. You can’t trust them. Ever. And you can’t have a friendship without trust.
Advice: Confront your friend about their lies. Tell him that you can’t trust him if he lies to you all the time and that trust is an important and necessary part of friendship.
friendship killer #10 – Being too “busy”
Relationships are not one-sided. Everybody is busy. But friendships take time and effort. You have to decide if you really want friendship because it requires an investment.
So if your friend always says she’s “busy,” it just means she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
Advice: I’d see how often she tells me she’s too busy to hang out before pulling the plug on the friendship.
conclusion
Friendships are an important part of life. So you want to make sure you don’t get burned out by the very people who are supposed to cheer you on. This advice goes to any kind Of relationship
So, start paying close attention to your circle of friends and see if any of them fit into one or more of the “friendship killer” categories. Then do what you have to do to take care of yourself.
