Self-control: Who’s in charge here?

When faced with an emotional situation, self-control is not easy. In the face of your partner’s actions, it’s hard not to react. Learning to stop and think, to respond thoughtfully and carefully rather than quickly and automatically, takes practice. However, self-control is always worth mastering, because it makes every moment of your life easier. Have you heard the phrase “Emotional Intelligence”? It just means emotional self-control

Using Self Talk

Self-talk is one of the most powerful tools you can use to learn emotional self-control. Everyone has an ongoing mental dialogue, which is often negative or counterproductive. The good news is that you can choose to replace this negative monologue with something more positive. The brain tends to repeat familiar things over and over again, going over and over established neural pathways. Repeating a mantra, affirmation, or choice over and over again creates new paths, which eventually become automatic. New thoughts will run through your head just like old ones did, or like a popular song you’ve heard over and over again. Only this song won’t be about your lost love, it will be about keeping to yourself.

If your self-talk feels “naturally negative,” you may be creating a self-fulfilling identity, undermining your ability to choose your responses. To change this, learn to pay attention to your inner monologue: what are you saying to yourself about the next day, about your mistakes, about your luck? If these messages are negative, changing them can lift your spirits and optimism.

Positive, happy people have an easier time in life and recover from problems faster. There are things you can do to increase your level of optimism, even if you can’t change who you are. Know yourself: if you love silence, you tend to be quiet, such as quiet conversations and not big parties, this may be a genetic trait: your hearing and nervous system may be more sensitive than others, and this trait will not go away . However, you can make the most of it and learn that creating a lot of tranquility in your life will make you a happier and calmer person. If, on the other hand, you are a social party animal and enjoy noise and excitement, you can also use that as an asset.

Your thoughts affect your mood, and the way you relate to yourself can lift or lower your mood. Neural activity in the brain activates hormones that are synonymous with feelings. Constant self-criticism results in a “what’s the use” attitude, which leads to depression, and a moody attitude, which doesn’t work well in your life or relationships. Continuous, floating thoughts of impending death lead to anxiety attacks. Negative self -Talking creates stress. To help clients become aware of self-inflicted stress, I ask them to realize what they are saying to themselves: a constant stream of negativity will create stress; Like being followed by someone who is constantly criticizing you would be stressful. If my client is having an internal mental battle and cannot make a solid decision, it also increases the stress. Dysfunctional relationship patterns also create stress. For example, if you constantly feel guilty being tripped over by someone else, or you and your spouse fight, or you are overly concerned about other people’s opinions of who you are and what you are doing, you will be much more stressed than if you knew how to get along. good with others, when to listen and when to trust yourself. Many of my clients do not realize that they are responsible for their own feelings and no one else is responsible for making them feel better.


Patience is another way of describing emotional self-control. Learning to be patient and stay calm reduces and relieves stress and worry. Cultivating patience is really learning impulse control – it’s a self-control problem. You can learn to “emotional maintenance” and get rid of stress, keep track of what you want to do, and let go of frustration when something gets to you. Patience is learning to wait until you think before acting and making sure you understand your options and take control of your own ideas and decisions. It is a process of growth, a transformation of oneself through awareness and learning.

To gain patience, learn not to act on impulse, change your thinking and attitude, and seek support and encouragement. To learn the patience and determination necessary to improve your communication, these seven steps will help you.

Seven steps to help you learn to be patient:

1: Wait: The old advice to “count to 10 before you answer” is a great way to learn patience. Give yourself the opportunity to give your best answer.

2: Use perspective: put your urges or desires in perspective. Will it be important in an hour? fifteen minutes from now? Most of them will not be.

3. Self-understanding: If you are tempted to act or speak on impulse, understand that impulse is normal, but you don’t have to get carried away with it. Reactions and impulses are normal; what counts is the way we act on them.

4: Take a bigger perspective: If you are reacting because someone bothered you (for example: your partner hurt your feelings) say a little prayer of thanks because it was no worse, say a blessing for your partner (who probably needs it) and you you will feel better. If you are tempted to act impulsively, pause for a minute and consider your most important goal; Then decide if the momentary boost is worth delaying your goal.

5. Give yourself a break: If you act on impulse before you think about it, acknowledge that you did it, forgive yourself, and get back on track. If you find yourself acting a lot impulsively, then perhaps your goal is too rigid and you need to leave a little more room for yourself or renegotiate the contract with your spouse.

6. Consider the source: urges are often a reaction to external circumstances. For example, being upset that your partner is not available, when you could enjoy using the time you have for yourself. Make sure what you do is what you really want to do.

7: Celebrate – Remember to celebrate your accomplishments and every time you do what you set out to do, keep your promises and get things done. Small frequent celebrations are a way to reward yourself for your patience and increase your motivation to be even more patient.

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