I’m a control freak. Not with everything. Just most things. Especially parties. My to-do lists used to rival a NASA launch checklist, so it makes perfect sense that every holiday party I’ve thrown over the years required stress-reduction therapy. I would spend hours organizing every detail in order to make it look simple. One January, shelling out a hefty chunk of money to pay the party bill, I swore my hostess days were over.
But, after attending a Valentine’s party, surrounded by a streamer of crepe paper hearts, red and pink M&Ms, and Hawaiian punch, I left convinced that God was giving me a sign. But how to host without having an ulcer? Seven letters that would forever change my life: PROBABILITY.
My only memory of shared meals was overflowing with pans and jello. It’s not exactly cutting edge. When I announced that I was throwing a holiday party, my boyfriend reminded me to go easy on myself. I’m still convinced the “help” was more because he didn’t have to, again, coax me from the roof of the Crate-and-Barrel after realizing they only had 17 crystal glasses for the parties and I needed 20! as soon as possible! Whatever his motivation, I relented, wrote down my guest list and asked everyone to bring “some kind of dish.”
Sixteen bottles of sparkling cider and wine, 7 green bean casseroles, 5 plates of chocolate chip cookies, 1 plate of cheese, and a partridge in a pear tree later, I came to the conclusion that shared meals were a tool of the devil and that she needed a new boyfriend
Fortunately, my initial misadventure in this field did not end up being my last experience with it. My traditional January therapy (actually: more like January to June) helped me realize that I had oversimplified the process and ended up not planning it at all. To prove my imaginary critics wrong, I tried again. With a menu planned, I called some friends and threw a 4th of July feast that didn’t include 13 dozen hot dogs and 9 kinds of potato salad. I followed that up with 2 more Christmas potlucks for New Years. Now, years later, I doubt I’ll ever host anything else.
What have I learned so far? Well, first of all, that control freak in me needed a little taming. Second, that the Christmas holidays are not a punishment for past sins. And third, the key to success is inviting others to help in a well-organized yet flexible way. Most likely, they are just waiting to be asked and will contribute lots of great ideas.
Try some of these stress-free twists on an old tradition:
Organization of invitations
Do you have friends who can’t be bothered to RSVP but show up anyway? Yes me too. Since these are the same people who find time to tweet every time they go to Starbucks, I decided to beat these ungrateful people at their own game. I ditched the paper chase, which could save a forest in the process, which is always a plus, and switched to using electronic invitations exclusively. I see it as a classic Darwinian effort: adapt my behavior to better ensure my survival. Or at least my sanity.
- Use an electronic invitation or a Facebook event to send invitations. They are free and do all the RSVP work for you. Simply view the list of people you invited and check their response. Its configuration features can allow all guests to see the RSVP list, making it significantly easier for guests to determine how many people to feed. Ideal for shared meals!
- google docs They offer handy free web-based potluck meal planners. Set up the document, send your guests the link, and let them sign up for a dish. You stay organized without having to do all the work.
planning the meal
As you develop your menu, remember that unless your guest list includes the “Top Chef” judges, chances are your friends will enjoy simple, familiar dishes that will leave them satisfied and full. Keep these things in mind:
- Make it buffet friendly – Create a menu of items that your guests can easily self-serve. Generally speaking, you should always offer at least two main dishes, including a vegetarian option. If you know your guests will enjoy and participate, plan your menu as a theme.
- Be flexible – Once you’ve decided on your menu, be willing to make adjustments when others make suggestions or offer a delicious new version of your old idea.
- Your friends have lives. – Careers, spouses, children, or a steady but disappointing stream of first dates probably take up most of your time. Make it easy for them to bring something they feel good about. If your little sister has only been tasked with bringing her bread for all of her family functions, then leave that to her, and don’t be disappointed when it’s not fresh from the oven. If you insist on having something gourmet on the menu, make it yourself.
Organization of tables and seats
The most anxiety-provoking aspect of hosting a party has always been table and seating arrangements. When it’s just me, I’m no different from many people today whose meals emulate a training session for a fast food contest. If you’ve ever walked up to the microwave and yelled at it to cook faster, I hate to break it to you, but you’re one of us.
However, organizing a dinner party is different. Your guests should have a place to sit. So how do you make that a reality when you only have a dining table, 6 chairs, 17 Christmas glasses but 20 guests? I can tell you that the best parties are about the people, not the venue.
- Table Hostesses -Invite 3-5 friends to set up a table for the night and then hand them all the responsibilities for your decorations, setup, tableware and linens. Encourage each girl to use her own china, some are waiting to be brought out! Using good plastic items can also be fun and festive. Some hostesses may want to create edible centerpieces for appetizers or desserts. The most important thing to remember is that it’s not about you – let each hostess entertain in her own way. Remember that they may not have the time or resources to host their own party, but they are the real party experts. The added bonus: they clean your table and take everything home when they leave. With all your other guests taking their dishes too, you won’t have to do the dirty dishes until 2am!
- Create opportunities for conversation. – Groups of 4-6 are ideal for maintaining intimacy and encouraging conversation. Make the most of the space you have and don’t limit yourself to the traditional dining table mentality. Consider using a coffee table with cushions low to the floor; the kitchen island with some stools; or if weather permits, outdoor seating. Your only limit is your imagination! Just make sure you don’t surprise your table hostesses – let them help plan!
- Give your guests a choice – You can assign seats, but it’s more fun to let people naturally gravitate to where they feel comfortable. And, yes, this applies even when you’re desperate to get your new single friend into a relationship with that great guy you’ve talked about endlessly for months; both will appreciate it. And when they’re done planning their wedding and planning on playing matchmaker for you at the reception, you’ll have a terrific comeback.
bar configuration
Are you that friend who all himself as a connoisseur of beverages? The one who interprets your simple request for a glass of wine as an opportunity to share his as yet unpublished dissertation “A Modern Analysis of the Grape and its Historical Impact on the Development of Civilization.” Or maybe it’s the coffee that this person has developed such a deep and disturbing relationship with. Whatever the case, use it to your advantage. Politely, and preferably via email or some other buffered format, ask him if he’d like to set up the bar. Provide your bar host with guidance, especially if you:
- have a specific topic in mind
- they are not serving alcohol
- I don’t have much space
- have a limited budget.
Your bar host must contribute to the cost, but is not expected to foot the full bill. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend who covers all the costs, I suggest you find a comfortable place to sit the next time he corners you to talk about the “lost art of the hand-ground coffee bean.” you owe him
Now get over it, get some friends together, have some fun, and embrace the beautiful diversity that can result!