Is sex no longer what it once was? Have you been married for a while? Has the bedroom become the “boring” room? Do you wonder if your partner cares more about the TV/computer/ [whatever] What are your sexual needs/desires? Well, you are not alone. Husbands and wives fall asleep peacefully each night with unmet sexual needs/desires, creating a trail of resentment and frustration. Take a look at these steps to improve the sex in your marriage.
Have a “chat” with your husband/wife. WAIT, stay with me a minute, this is worth it. Start the conversation like this. “Honey, you know I love you, but we both know our sex life sucks and we need better, we deserve better, I deserve more just like you deserve more. I’m willing to commit to working really hard to improve our sex life, but also I need a commitment from you. Before you disconnect me, I’d like us to work on some things I found in this article. I think it will help us.” At this point, you AND your spouse are either willing to WORK on this “problem” or you won’t.
First, you both need an open mind. It is critical that both of you are willing to gain an “understanding” from the other. They MUST discover each other’s sexual NEEDS and WANTS. Even if he has been married for 10 years or more, sexual needs/desires may have changed or may never have been discovered. Sometimes, particularly with sex, we are afraid that our spouse will know what we want or need. Maybe we are embarrassed or embarrassed? Still, if he doesn’t know what your spouse needs or wants, he’s not likely to satisfy them. Both husband and wife should seriously think about what they need from each other sexually. Often men and women are polar opposites in their sexual needs. That’s okay and normal. Both husband and wife should make a written list of those needs/wants.
The next step is where “the rubber meets the road” in your sex life. Often, we have a “selfish” approach when it comes to sex. That’s fine AS LONG AS we also have a commitment to step aside and give our spouse what he needs sexually. Hollywood has given the world an unrealistic blueprint for healthy and sexy living. Husband and wife do not “magically” find sexual fulfillment in the same “activities” or even at the same time. A healthy sex life requires a lot of giving. For example, women often need intimacy to feel sexually fulfilled. This could require a husband to spend more time before AND after “sex”, cuddling, etc. – Maybe he just wants to snuggle without having sex? How many times have you heard a woman say “she gets what she wants, she has her orgasm, then she’s gone”? That woman is not being met. Men are usually less complicated. Men often have certain sexual “things” in mind that they want to do (or have been done to). Ladies, DO NOT underestimate the power of your man’s sex drive. Those “things” may seem silly or gross or whatever, but to your man they are essential to the sexual health of your marriage. PLEASE don’t make your man feel bad about this sexual “stuff”. Please do your best to meet his needs and desires. Simply taking his “weird” sexual needs seriously and showing a desire to satisfy them could rejuvenate his sex life. When I say “weird”, I’m not talking about “twisted” sexual practices. I’m talking about positions and activities you’d find in your average “husband and wife” sex book.
Finally, I know that you are tired. I know that children need attention and I know that a lot happens to all of us in life. However, satisfying sexual needs/desires is something like keeping the lawn mowed, the dishes washed, the house clean, the car running smoothly, etc. If you are truly looking for a GREAT sex life with your spouse, be prepared to work at it every day. Not only will you see an improvement in your sex life, but the joy will spill over into other parts of your relationship as well. One last word to the ladies: Her husband is more interested in what she is willing to DO to satisfy her needs/wants than HOW she looks! It’s true. Last words for the guys: don’t try to “act” in the bedroom. She’s not interested in your acting. She is interested in your willingness to truly LISTEN to her, connect with her in an intimate way, and show her your desire to keep her sexually satisfied. She needs it from you. Commit to each other – you deserve it – and learn to enjoy each other.